2016年雅思作文實例分析

　　一、 文章結構

　　“bicycle”作者的思路是清晰的，但表達不明確，所以造成結構混亂的感覺，考試時會吃虧的。

　　下面就是這兩篇文章。

　　中國作者的Bicycle

　　Bicycles have become more and more popular in China. People ride bikes to their work places, to shopping areas, to schools, and so on. During the rush hours, you can often see a boiling sea of bicycles running in all directions. With the largest number of bike riders in the world, China is often referred to as the kingdom of bicycles.(主題句不明顯，不知道作者想要說什么：自行車越來越流行，要討論流行趨勢?自行車那么多，要討論自行車對城市的影響?中國是自行車王國，要討論中國的自行車歷史? )

　　Compared with cars, bikes have many advantages(這應該是主題句，在這么短的文章里應該放在第一段). First, they are not very expensive, and almost every family can afford them. (這句話分成2個句子比較好，一句是key point,一句做進一步解釋)Second, they are very handy and convenient though they are not so fast as cars. With a bike, you can go anywhere you like, and you don't have to look for a large parking place. By riding bikes, you can avoid traffic jams and thus save the time and the money for taking taxis(同第一點一樣，但這一點思路有些亂). Third, they do not cause air or sound pollution(沒有解釋，這一點肯定拿不到好分數).

　　Riding bikes does good to your health if you ride it regularly(這應該是文章要論述的第四點，但沒有連接詞，又分了段，打亂了文章的整體結構). In modern times, people are usually too busy to spare any time for physical exercise. Riding a bike to your work place regularly serves as a good way to keep yourself strong and healthy. (2個句子的順序換一下比較好。因為前面已經說了有益于健康，讀者等著聽解釋，但作者卻換了話題。第一句話應該是第二句話的原因。)Therefore, a bicycle is really an important means of transportation in China. It has been very useful, convenient and necessary ever since it was invented. And I do believe it will still be so in the future.(結論態度不鮮明，沒有緊扣主題句。 應該重述四個優點，然后給出結論)

　　英國人寫的 Why cycle?

　　作者： Alix Stredwick， 摘自London Cycling Campaign 的網站。

　　There are many good reasons to cycle. (第一句話就是主題句，西方人的習慣)Cycling is the most efficient means of getting around London.(好處之一) Many journeys we make are shorter than two miles or less and these are usually faster on a cycle than travelling by car, bus, tube, train or taxi.(進一步解釋，加強說服力)。Not only is cycling good for you, it is also fun and available to all(好處之二). It is a chance to get out of the house or workplace, to be active and to be sociable(解釋). Getting a bike needn't be expensive and upkeep is low cost and easy. (好處之三，這三個好處只是泛泛說明，一般是前面的論點比后面的更重要，所以句子一個比一個短))

　　Save money(開始論述第一點)

　　Using a bike to replace your regular form of transport is a great way to save money(主句，符合論點). It's well documented that cycling is the best value way to travel around London(引用統計結果，有絕對說服力) . Compared to cars, bicycles are much cheaper to buy and maintain, and you don't have all the added costs of fuel, Vehicle Excise Duty and parking(比較法，舉例說明怎樣省錢).

　　Save time(論點二)

　　For a typical London journey, cycling is faster than the car, public transport, taxis or walking(主句，符合論點). Remember that cycling is a door to door service. On a bicycle you can easily cover five miles in half an hour and be confident that you'll arrive on time(解釋如何省時間). Car or bus journeys take longer and depend on traffic, or irregular bus services(搭汽車時間長，從反面解釋騎自行車省時間). For longer trips, you can combine bike and public transport: leaving your bike at the station or sometimes taking it on the train/tube at off-peak times. See the LCC information booklet "Transporting Your Bicycle" for further information.(進一步解釋，幫你解決你有可能遇到的問題，打消你欲辯論的想法)

　　Become healthier(論點三)

　　Cycling is an excellent way to get fit and live longer(主句，符合論點). By riding a bike you'll be incorporating exercise into your daily life. Remember that to stay healthy you need 30 minutes of exercise per day: that 15 minute cycle to work is the perfect prescription for losing weight and getting fit(解釋。口氣不是說教，而像是你的.保健顧問，說服力強).

　　By cycling you cut down your risk of heart attacks, high blood pressure and other illnesses. The benefits, says the British Medical Association, far outweigh any risks associated with cycling.(論據二)

　　By getting fitter and escaping the frustrations of traffic jams and tube and train delays you will also reduce your stress levels and enjoy your day more. (論據三)

　　It has been shown that by cycling you will breathe fewer fumes than those in cars or buses, so are less likely to suffer from respiratory diseases(論據四).

　　二、 用詞

　　“bicycle”作者的用詞是中國式的。從題目就可以看出來。騎自行車的通常說法是 “cycling” 或“riding a bike”,騎自行車的人是“bicyclist”或“cyclist”。如果根據作者的標題，不應該是討論騎自行車的問題，應該是討論自行車本身諸如發明、改進、用途、價格、式樣、功能等問題。文中其他的用詞，大家可以自己找。

　　三、 句式

　　“bicycle”的作者句式單一，幾乎就是一個又一個簡單句順序排列，而且少有用形容詞和副詞修飾句子，使句子過于平淡。重點不突出，句式無起伏，詞匯有限，并在文章中重復使用，如：“騎自行車”，作者僅用“bicycles”或“riding bikes”或“they”造簡單句。而“why cycle?”的作者用同樣的詞對句子做各種修飾。雖然文體是essay, 但因為是登在網上的，要照顧各個層次的讀者，所以作者的句式和用詞都趨于簡單，但并不單調。

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