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SAT作文實例講解
日期:2023-03-16 22:18:42    编辑:网络投稿    来源:网络资源
SAT作文實例講解  作文題一: Is memory a help or a hindrance in helping us learn from the past and succeed in the future?  學生習作1:  On the thesis, one may
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      作文題一: Is memory a help or a hindrance in helping us learn from the past and succeed in the future?

    SAT作文實例講解

      學生習作1:

      On the thesis, one may have doubt since not all the memories are sweet. But I insist that even the bad ones can offer help. For instance, during my winter vacation in Junior, I lost a cell phone that I had used for more than two years. That was the day before the Spring Festival, the most important festival for reunion in China. I was in a good mood at that time because I was going to shoot some photos with my aunt. There were many people in the store. 3I felt a little crowded. It was the time when we were choosing the frames that my cell phone was stolen. Too late did I realize the unfortunate fact.

      Afterwards, whenever I was in public, I paid extra attention to my personal possession such as my purse and mp4. Therefore, I havent lost any other things till now. I learned to be extremely careful from the horrible memory.

      分析:

      1 during強調延續性,in強調一段時間里發生了一件事。所以此處應該改成in.

      2 文章采取倒敘手法,所以在2處感覺有一點奇怪,剛剛還是東西被盜,后來心情又好了。

      3 不能是你覺得擠,只能是that place was a little crowded

      4 文章的.深刻度不夠,處于4-5分的水平,要拿更好的分數,還得在深刻性上下功夫。個人例子特別適合以情動人。

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